mental disorder
11:31 p.m. || 2008-03-31 |
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Splitting headache, that I can't even sleep. Sick, can't do much. ignorance is really bliss. kinda. My brain feels like its going to explode. Im eagering wishing someone would sms me, What does dying on your deathbed feels like anyway? sheesh. nvm. I just used up the 5th box of tissues... I feel like curling up in some sofa at some cafe, with my pinky, and a caramel latte.. DREAM ON. sighs. I'll probably make everyone within 10 metres sick with my virus. speaking of which, I don't want my family sick. =( what to do..the entire house is already filled with germs. Ohyea, dor (whom I went out with this morning to NTU) if u're reading this, PLS TAKE CARE of urself and don't fall sick kay? Else I would feel really guilty.. Rah, my brains are really fried. If I have any brains to start off with in the first place. maybe its all maggots. or something yucky. geez, this is such a negative entry. where's my prince charming... Even my dad works 24/7 now, come home everyday past midnight. Then get scolded for all the stupid germs. Read a full 2 chapters of an exciting mystery thriller novel. Not a single word went inside my head. I have no idea what was I reading. Yet I flipped, and flipped. and stares at the charcoal prints. taadaa. 2 chapters. many things are left unspoken. Yes, Im fine. Ya, right.
Where's the love? ):
Thanks dor.(: Girls rock la. ohwells. life goes on. so..I need to do my university essay NOWW! I cant believe I procrastinated so much. deadline is..one day away!
=(
For the past week, I have been sleeping at an average of 3.30am and waking up at an average of 2pm everyday. I slept at 3.30am last night, and somehow woke up at 7+am this morning! I think I dreamt too, been a long time since I last dreamt. Not been a good night. <.> Is it because darling is back? Right now, my stomach feels uncomfortable, my head feels uncomfortable, and I feel sick. =(( whats going on??
Went Lot1 to watch THE SHUTTER! Went to take $3 neoprints! for the price, it turned out quite good. :D Wasted some money on X-Scoop. :( and played 2 rounds of daytona, I won! :D muahaha =P Went to buy hair ties, then went pasar malam at Pending, played some throw balls game, and won ballons! =X LOL! Then went her house to watch 9pm show. :D Watched her play habbo and transfered all her JAY songs to my phone. :D <333
Walked with dor to Fairfield sec busstop, there were tinges of nostalgia. haha not of ACJC, which we passed by, but rather the road from our school backgate to dover market. T_T I miss those days.. WEDS:Went over to help dorothy with her ADM video yesterday..had lotsa fun filming!=D Went to the playground, the park, the foodcourt, the postoffice, the ntuc, her house. her video is super good lah..all the different scenes which is so meaningful. Not to mention the overall feel, which is addictive, happy, amusing, lame, funny altogether. (: My dear zhuren when u get into ADM (which u will) then remember to treat me okay! can't wait for monday! Went BPP today! (so much for 'free' day lol) Accompanied my mother to make specs and go ntuc, then went library borrow books, went comics buy card! and to end it all, a LAME msn convo with NEO HUIMIN. =D - nimiuH, says: blurblurkiddy ^^ says: nimiuH . says: blurblurkiddy ^^ says: nimiuH,says: NO DIFFRENCE LAH. blurblurkiddy ^^ says: nimiuH, says: blurblurkiddy ^^ says: nimiuH, says: blurblurkiddy ^^ says: nimiuH, says: blurblurkiddy ^^ says: nimiuH, says:
The emo me was tearing all the way from Bugis to..jurong east on the MRT yesterday ever since aaron getting off the train at Cityhall. Woke up in the afternoon today, chiong my university essay and just sent to Mdm. Going out later, maybe going to get laptop. =D I feel like sleeping again..I feel so tired..I feel like there's so much to do..yet I feel so sianz. I look forward to activites and days head. Yet I feel so empty inside. HAIS.
Happy Good Friday. As I try not to feel what I shouldn't feel, the lump just got bigger. I wonder who's still awake, and who's not. I like elmo. I don't like emo. Is elmo emo? Is the cheery red elmo just a mask and facade for emo-ness? Is elmo a metaphor for emo? LOL Im not making sense.
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Finally went to visit the Greek exhibition at the National Musuem. Its quite interesting. hahah reminds me of the study greek-dep days. Agammemnon and Woman of Troy, greek tradegy and Aristotle. Went Suntec for Australian University Fair and Food fair. Not that I have any chance of going overseas. -.-" Singing at some country club at night with Daryl and friends. Some of them got kind of drunk, Daryl got super high. hahahs. NUS openhouse this morning. Met Weiyi and his friend for breakfast before heading there, met Henryk, Shaine & Laura there too. Went for the FASS talks and stuff. Then went Clementi for lunch and big bookshop to slack around and look at books. I've got blisters! pain.. ): signs. life sucks.
Been messaging the whole morning, now handphone almost battery flat liao, thanks to chin's and min's instant replies. hahaha Time passes so fast when you're slacking. hehe. NICE FOOD! Tanjong Pagar Complex: Amara Hotel: Around MRT area: Marketplace: Thats what I learnt in the 2 months or so. (: Im such a foodie. (:
yayyness. (: The people, the place, the food and all are great but the work is monotonous and boring. Which Im getting damn sick of. <.> I having holidays again! and officially unemployed again. LOL! its almost noon, why liddat de..=( on a brighter note, my collegues are treating me to lunch! yayy!
WIFE's DIARY Sunday night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but his mind was far away. I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u, too." When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. HUSBAND's DIARY Today Manchester United lost again....... ......... .....
LOL! should I study psycology? =X
Went to school, and saw the drama people again! :D hahah all the sense of nostalgia. I miss drama and co! Then the P talk about statistics and Ac did horribly this year lah. Especially the Arts classes. There's only..less than 5 people from the art classes that went on stage, aka get at least 3As. Pathetic man..imagine the tension and gloomy mood that already settled among us even before our individual results are released. everyone was so nervous la..Weiyi and Aaron looked at my results for me.(:Before forcing me to look at it. hahaha. Its truly terrible lah, almost all my friends didn't do well. I really hate the feeling of being surrounded by sad people, (especially those that you really care about) and the feeling of helplessness. Sure, staying by their sides and trying to comfort them..but ultimately the fact remains there. :( I really hate it.. oh, and I think its freaky how some teachers seem to know not only their subject grade, but all the other subjects grades as well. :X. Met Drama mdms, Gp Mdm and Ms Tan and thanked them. (: hahah Ms Tan said it was really a miracle for me. All these teachers really helped. Im really grateful for all those extra personal sessions. (: Went Biopolis(miss that place too!) for lunch with Aaron, Weiyi, Shijie and Krit. Then weiyi redraw money and lent us to pay SCF before we can get our certs. T_T such money suckers! @#$%#%@ Went NTU openhouse the next day with aaron and bumped into/met/visit so many people there. Yizhen, Pamy, Xiaoyu, Weiyi, Liying, Vicky, Ceci, Wenbin, Dorothy, even my GSC laoshi there! oo Chongqing and Mali were there hosting show too! xD Attended the CS, ADM, HSS and accountacy talks. I'm tempted to take HSS double degree! Literature/Psycology/Chinese/Socialogy/blahblah I all quite interested leh! Literature got film/drama module also! hahah woah and if Weiyi didn't drag us to the HSS talk I wouldn't even consider social sciences at all lah. :X ayes..now more decisions to make. Dinner at JP subway with Aaron&Weiyi, Daytona at arcade before heading home.
GP, Lit, Dep, Math. So, as I put in my msn nick, and what I told my boss and collegues, "If I don't blog/come msn/go to work again, it probably means I died." and trust me, I got more reasons to be suicidal than just these stupid results.
1) Portfolio for ADM application hahah thats quite a lot of things to do! Planning to quit mid-march and maximum die die end-march. hahah I wonder if I am able to do that. The job with all its brainless work is monotonous and driving me crazy. Stress and biasness and other factors, combined together have often brought tears to my eyes at work. Yet it is the people that holds me back. Jeanie, Alice, YanAn, ZhenTing etc. The wonderful lunchtimes with great food and dessert. I definately won't miss the work,( which is the bulk of worklife) but I will miss the many other things. (:
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