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11:21 p.m. || 2021-03-07 |
I've been unemployed for 3 months, and busy working on a freelance project for the past 2 months. Suddenly felt the urge to write down some things that I have been wanting to do. - Clean my room, clean the house (make the parents happier)
I'm terribly scared, depressed, never felt so terrible in my life. Always got to tell myself to look on the bright side - that friends and family, and Love, is always by my side. Thankful, grateful for the love. But this time round, it is just so hard. So helpless I actually wished I have a God to look up to. Always been a strong and brave girl since young. T_T
How do one wake up with a cut in the eye and terrible infection that sends you to a hospital? How do one gets 2 tablets and 1 phone stolen in just 2 minutes when your back is turned? And on that one day you decided to hide these valuables from view. I don't know. I choose to be positive, or at least, I shall try. On the bright side, On the bright side, On the bright side, Good night world.
Until then, farewell rooster.
But it honestly doesn't matter, and the reason why I am blogging here again, in this extremely dead diary, is because I saw a post on Facebook that says this: “If you live to 99, I want to die one day earlier – because I never want to live without you.” And it reminded me of a conversation we had in the common area of Lazy Gaga Hostel in Guangzhou, when we were there for Christmas just two months ago. “我希望你比我早死,因為這樣我就一直可以陪著你,你就不用一個人過。” You said you hope that I die first, and you a year later. Guangzhou was an interesting trip for our relationship - for some reason I wasn't happy, throughout the trip, for reasons I didn't know myself. You noticed, and was helpless. I am sorry for that. We quarreled, hurtful memories were brought back, I cried and we talked. I hardly remember much details from the trip (even though it was just two months ago - it felt like forever), but I remember that look in your eyes that tell me that you have changed for the better, and that you love me. I remember lying on your lap that last night (with a group of China students playing stupid forfeit games beside us) and feeling so blessed. <3
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